The poets stand in the rain.
They wear no raincoats.
They have no umbrellas.
They are discussing the shadow of a shadow of a shadow.
But their poetry is already soaking wet—
They have not developed their reality muscles
So they walk with a limp while admiring the color of a vein in a leaf.
first u loved me all the time and then u only loved me drunk and now u don’t even love me then :( :(
i’ve been feeling lighter lately, more self-sufficient, more capable of breathing and sleeping and taking my time with things without crying. in our voice class the other day, we all stood across from each other and said i have something to say and shared something about ourselves and the other person would say i hear you and say something too and i stood across from the loveliest boy i didn’t know particularly well before and we said things we’d never said out loud before and breathed and i breathed so deeply my hands tingled and my vision blurred. and i wanted to laugh i wanted to cry i wanted to kiss him. things with us are so fragile. i am constantly frustrated and jealous and anxious and scared. but at the same time, saying i’m in love out loud made me doubt it. i don’t know i don’t know i’ve done two beautiful scenes in the past week and after the one today another student came up to me crying and said thank you so much for letting me in on that experience. and god, i’m just realizing how lucky i am. despite everything. despite all of the heaviness. i’m doing what i love. i am surrounded by openness and generosity and talent and incredible people who will hold my hand through the good and the bad and the brave. and tonight you and i sat across from each other in that coffee shop and you said maybe this is something that’s supposed to be left unsaid, but i always say the things you’re supposed to leave unsaid - i love you so much. we’ve been through everything two people can go through together and we’re still friends and it was the perfect end to a beautiful day and i feel full again. my creative well. my heart. my life. i want to cry and laugh and exhale every self-doubt i’ve ever had because i’m happy. i am happy i am happy i am happy and it’s the small things. it’s the people. i can’t believe i ever thought that i would never meet anyone that could rival the bonds that i had at home, and i have. and i see them every day and they light everything up for me. i never thought i would be loved this much. i never thought that i could come to this city, this program, and have people be impressed with my work. i never thought that i would be lucky enough to meet the best friend i’ve ever had at the time i needed him most. and wow, everything is beautiful. i’ve had a lot of sugar and a lot of caffeine and i need to be on my way to class in nine or so hours but everything’s okay. everything is okay and i don’t know how long it will last but for now, for now, it’s all beautiful.